BRISTOL, CT—ESPN sources are confirming that longtime SportsCenter on-air personality Kenny Mayne is, as long suspected, completely incapable of speaking to his peers like a normal human being. "The way he acts while he's on camera? Well, he's exactly the same off it," Mayne's co-anchor John Buccigross said after another failed social interaction with Mayne. "Just now I asked him how he was doing, and he said 'Even with derogatory credit I could still get a loan for a new car, so I can't complain, although some say that's my job. In any case, I continue to be amused by the simplicity of this profession.' And he said it all in that monotone voice of his, too. I really feel sorry for the poor guy, but come on, he has to realize why it is he's so lonely." When asked for a response to the findings, Mayne found himself unable to comment in a meaningful fashion.