WASHINGTON—A new report has revealed that when it comes to the important matter of owing large sums of money, Americans display a level of expertise and proficiency unrivaled throughout the world.

"Americans not only excel at accruing massive amounts of debt, but they also show an extraordinary talent for failing time and again to pay off these debts," the not unexpected report read in part. "Their ability to consume well beyond their means, disregard all signs of approaching financial ruin, and then sit there like a fat duck waiting for solutions to appear is truly remarkable. Few nations achieve such excellence in one singular aspect of life. Bravo, America."

The report concluded that Americans are also second to none when it comes to defaulting on long-overdue loans, be they from individuals, banks, or great and powerful nations that have absolutely no qualms about making others regret their foolish mistakes for generations to come. 鱼