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    Rick Santorum: A Candidacy Remembered

    Slideshow • Politics • politicians • war for the white house • ISSUE 48•15 • Apr 12, 2012
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    • Rick Santorum Asks U.S. Populace If He's Still Running For President

      DES MOINES, IA—At a campaign stop Monday, former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum asked a crowd assembled in the parking lot of a Hy-Vee supermarket if he was still running for president.
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    • 600-Pound Butter Cow Sculpture Wins Iowa Caucus

      DES MOINES, IA—With a majority of precincts reporting, sources have confirmed a 600-pound recreation of a dairy cow sculpted entirely from freshly churned butter has won the 2012 Iowa Caucus.
      2 of 6
    • Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick

      An emotional Rick Santorum stepped up his anti-gay rhetoric this week, saying jerks like Philadelphia's Nicholas Wiseman should not be allowed to marry a man they barely know when there's someone out there who truly cares for them.
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    • Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth

      WASHINGTON—As Rick Santorum has emerged to become Mitt Romney's leading opponent for the Republican presidential nomination, the American electorate said Monday it had slowly begun to realize that the former Pennsylvania senator sincerely believes e...
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    • Rick Santorum Relieved No One Has Asked Him About Interracial Marriage Yet

      LAFAYETTE, LA—Saying his campaign has "really dodged a bullet so far," Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum told reporters today that, much to his relief, no one has asked his opinion on interracial marriage. 
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    • Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

      Onion News Network political analyst Jason Copeland explains Montana's unique primary process, in which the state's delegates are awarded to the winner of a no-holds-barred street fight.
      6 of 6
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