BRIGHTON, MI—Visitors to Brighton’s Fairview Cemetery confirmed that since early this morning, former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been kneeling at his father’s gravestone and tearfully apologizing to the late politician for his loss to Barack Obama in Tuesday’s election. “All I ever wanted to do was please you, and I failed. I am so, so sorry,” Romney reportedly said as he ran his fingers along the marbled engraving of his father’s name, quietly sobbing while wiping away dirt from his tear-streaked face. “I tried as hard as I could. Honestly, Dad, I did. Can you ever forgive me?” Sources reported that a disconsolate Romney finally left the plot after a deep, guttural voice emanated from the ground and said, “You’ve disappointed me, Mitt. Go away. Forever.”