National News Highlights:
- SAN ANTONIO, TX—Sleepwalking obstetrician Dr. Karen Shield patiently explained to the refrigerator that it was having an ectopic pregnancy. 02.01.12
- DALLAS, TX—For the first time in recorded history, the whacking-off hand gesture was used in reference to Skee-Ball. 01.25.12
- DALLAS, TX—The scientists won't make Subject 17 a cyborg if he's going to whine about it. 03.18.12
- EL PASO, TX—A cockroach living under the fridge in Nelson and Elizabeth Gebler's kitchen headed to work thinking, "Cockroach’s gotta make a living." 02.08.12
- GOLIAD, TX—With granola spilled everywhere in her kitchen, Karie Hunt prayed for a bear that never came. 01.16.12
- HOUSTON, TX—Wouldn't you know it? Just as Mike Sanner got to the head of the lengthy emergency room queue, a guy with a power auger sticking out of his chest was wheeled in. 03.30.12
- HOUSTON, TX—Jane Miller, 27, brought home her New York boyfriend and warned him her family's racism was extremely stereotypical. 11.06.11
- SAN ANGELO, TX—The obnoxious drunk hitting on Lloyd’s girl was in need of a serious beating, but it’d have to wait until he hit the gym for a couple more months. 02.22.12
- SAN ANTONIO, TX—Sleepwalking obstetrician Dr. Karen Shield patiently explained to the refrigerator that it was having an ectopic pregnancy. 02.01.12
- Film: Great Job, Internet!: Behold, a Joker-only supercut from The Dark Knight
- TV: TV Club: The Adventures Of Pete And Pete, "Saturday"
- DVD: Newswire: Amazon opens "Never Before On DVD" store, mostly collects stuff already available
- Music: Newswire: Danzig says he was asked to play Wolverine, wouldn't have done it "as gay" as Hugh Jackman