The 2008 Detroit Lions are officially one of the worst teams in NFL history. What does the franchise have to do to turn itself around?

Game plan to keep offense and defense off the field

Consider removing ice cream machine from sidelines

Free safety Stuart Schweigert absolutely has to go

Concentrate on confidence building plays like falling on a teammate's fumble or throwing passes that are caught by crowd instead of other team

Take the advice of longtime Lions fan Ben Wodyczyek, 78, and just hit 'em with your purses, you buncha bums

Follow the lead of the rest of Detroit: Assume inevitable Japanese takeover will make organization more efficient, more cost-effective, more reliable, and more popular

If entire team is killed in plane crash, NFL bylaws provide for a league-wide expansion draft of top players. Just saying