Science Disproves Vampires

American Voices

October 31, 2006 | ISSUE 42•43

Florida physics professor Costas Efthimiou has devised a simple mathematical proof stating that vampires cannot exist. What do you think?

So I've been sleeping all day in a coffin, hanging upside down in a cave lair, and drinking human blood for nothing?

Michael Poole
Bog Limnologist
I wish I had tenure. If I spent all my time in the warehouse thinking up crap like that, I'd get canned in a heartbeat.

Bobbi Delaney
Fabricator
This news will likely hit The Count the hardest. Destroyed by the very numbers he loves.

Gavin Jacobson
Machinist

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan

05.25.12 |

The Senate Appropriations Committee voted 30-0 to cut aid to Pakistan by $33 million after the country’s government arrested and sentenced a doctor who tipped off the United States to Osama bin Laden's location.
'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Series Reaches 10 Million Sales

05.25.12 | ISSUE 48•22

Publishing house Vintage has sold 10 million copies of the erotica trilogy Fifty Shades Of Grey in multiple formats in an astonishing six weeks.
Suspect Arrested In Etan Patz Case

05.24.12 | ISSUE 48•22

A suspect in the 1979 disappearance of 6-year-old Etan Patz, the first missing child to be put on a milk carton, was taken into custody.
U.S. Census Overcounted By 36,000

05.24.12 | ISSUE 48•21

A survey revealed that the 2010 census counted an extra 36,000 people, or 0.01 percent, because of duplicate forms and deaths, which is down from the 0.49 percent overcount in the 2000 census.
Egypt Holds First Presidential Elections

05.23.12 | ISSUE 48•21

Fifteen months after Egyptian ruler Hosni Mubarak was deposed, Egyptians voted in their first-ever free presidential elections.