HOUGHTON, MI—A new study published in the science journal Nature has confirmed what area dad Charles Hillman has been saying all along, sources reported Monday. "Observation of a random sampling of participants showed that reduced distances between a viewer and a television set can lead to eye strain and, just like your Dad always told you kids, a greater risk for refractive myopia," the paper read in part, adding that modern science could have reached these conclusions years ago if it had just listened to that Chuck Hillman guy. "In conclusion, all data seem to indicate that maybe your old man isn't the big goofball you thought he was, huh?" The authors of the study are currently conducting trials that may prove your mother is not, in fact, such a worrywart after all for making you keep a warm blanket in the trunk of your car.
More News in Brief
Apparently Facebook Friend Under Impression Ron Paul Still Running For Major Federal Office
COLUMBUS, OH—Based on his recent activity on Facebook, local man Arthur Gibson, 29, is reportedly under the impression that libertarian icon and former presidential ...
16-Year-Old Excited To Have Whole Summer To Plan Shooting For Next School Year
TERRE HAUTE, IN—A few days into his summer vacation, local 16-year-old John Vucinich told reporters Tuesday that he is excited to have the next ...
American Dental Association Recommends Making Your Gums Hurt Really Bad Once A Day
CHICAGO—Reiterating the organization’s oral health care guidelines at a press conference Friday, a spokesperson for the American Dental Association reminded all Americans to ...



2

