WASHINGTON—In what is probably being hailed as some sort of groundbreaking discovery, sources confirmed Friday that scientists have most likely identified a new species of frog recently because that’s the type of shit they do all the time. “They’re always announcing some fucking shit about a new lizard or toad or something, so I bet they just came across a previously unknown breed of frog in some rainforest in Brazil or wherever,” said 29-year-old Pittsburgh resident Jake Morrell, adding that the newfound amphibian is “probably some weird color or has ultra-rare markings on it and blah, blah, blah.” “I bet the frog could contain the cure for a disease, too. Scientists always say stuff like that that when they announce these things.” At press time, a majority of Americans reportedly speculated that the frog is highly endangered, because isn’t that how this shit always goes?