SANTA CRUZ, CA—Astronomers at the University of California, Santa Cruz, announced Friday that preliminary studies of Gliese 581g, a habitable planet orbiting a red dwarf star 20 light-years away, indicate its conditions are perfect to support a booming economy. "With the possibility of a nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere, the likelihood of water sources, and no indication of local zoning laws or taxes, conditions on Gliese 581g are almost textbook≠perfect for the industrial sector," said Professor Steven S. Vogt, the planet's discoverer, adding that he would not be surprised to find the planet was well-suited to host basic forms of employment. "With its unmatched areas for growth, especially in the real estate and manufacturing fields, I would advise immediate investment." Vogt said that because the planet's gravity was conducive to human beings walking on its surface, he saw no reason why people from Earth wouldn't one day be able to invest in risky speculative bubbles on Gliese 581g that would drive the planet into complete economic free fall.
More News in Brief
‘Grand Theft Auto V’ Missions To Focus Largely On Tutoring, Community Outreach
NEW YORK—Confirming months of speculation, developers at Rockstar Games revealed today that the missions in the upcoming Grand Theft Auto V video game will ...
Justin Bieber Recovering In Intensive Care Unit After Being Badly Booed
LAS VEGAS—Doctors at Valley Hospital Medical Center are reporting that pop sensation Justin Bieber is in critical but stable condition today after being admitted ...
Teacher Grading Papers Next To You On Plane Not Pulling Any Punches
ABOVE CONCORDIA, KS—Her pen mercilessly slashing its way through a stack of handwritten pages, the middle school English teacher grading papers next to you ...



66

