ORLANDO, FL—In a blatantly retaliatory act of self-gratification, Sean O'Hair avenged his disappointing loss in the Arnold Palmer Invitational by fiercely masturbating to the image of Elin Nordegren Woods from under the covers of his hotel bed Sunday. "See how you like it when I come from behind," said O'Hair, rubbing his penis furiously with his still-gloved hand while imagining the naked mother of Tiger Woods' children. "You might think I'm stuck in your bunker, but I'll find the hole and I'll get it in on the first try. And afterwards I'm going to use your lovely mouth as a ball washer." Sources close to O'Hair report that it took him fewer strokes to ejaculate than Tiger Woods.