24DANVILLE, KY—In the middle of tonight’s debate between Joe Biden and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), Centre College security guards were forced to remove from the auditorium five of the vice president’s loud and unruly friends: Darius, Blaze, Tank, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, and Dozer. “My buddies tend to go a little wild during these things—what can I say?” a smiling Biden said as eight security guards hauled away the drunken roughhousers for loudly whistling whenever the vice president spoke, repeatedly catcalling debate moderator Martha Raddatz, and throwing beer cans at Ryan following his opening statement. “Thanks for coming out, fellas! I’ll meet you guys back at my suite for a smoke-out after. Take care of the pack, Blaze.” Minutes after she was ejected, a staggering, inebriated Pelosi rolled up her sleeves and told reporters she planned on waiting in the auditorium’s back alley to “have a little talk” with Paul Ryan after the debate.
More News in Brief
Apparently Facebook Friend Under Impression Ron Paul Still Running For Major Federal Office
COLUMBUS, OH—Based on his recent activity on Facebook, local man Arthur Gibson, 29, is reportedly under the impression that libertarian icon and former presidential ...
16-Year-Old Excited To Have Whole Summer To Plan Shooting For Next School Year
TERRE HAUTE, IN—A few days into his summer vacation, local 16-year-old John Vucinich told reporters Tuesday that he is excited to have the next ...
American Dental Association Recommends Making Your Gums Hurt Really Bad Once A Day
CHICAGO—Reiterating the organization’s oral health care guidelines at a press conference Friday, a spokesperson for the American Dental Association reminded all Americans to ...
