WASHINGTON—According to colleagues, 87-year-old senile Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) has been allowed to believe he permanently solved the nation’s immigration crisis in 2007. “What’s the harm?” Sen. Mark Udall (D-CO) told reporters Tuesday. “He comes up and says, ‘It takes a lot to strike a bipartisan compromise on an issue as contentious as immigration, but I did it,’ and I just say, ‘You sure did, big guy!’ It makes him feel good.” Critics have argued that this is just another example of partisan favoritism, and that former Sen. Mark Hatfield (R-OR) should be allowed to think he is still a voting member of the Senate, or at least have access to the cafeteria.
More News in Brief
Gay Kid Excited To Be Made Fun Of For Second Thing
SUGAR LAND, TX—Shortly after reports surfaced today that the Boy Scouts of America had voted to lift its ban on gay youths, local homosexual ...
Man Eating McChicken Sandwich Can Tell McDonald's Switched Up Antibiotics
SEATTLE—Citing “subtle notes of ethambutol and clindamycin,” longtime McDonald’s customer Chris Hingle reported Thursday that he could discern from the taste of his ...
Kate Middleton Suffering From Morning Sickness
LONDON—Just two months away from Kate Middleton’s speculated July due date, sources close to the Royal Family confirmed today the pregnant Duchess of ...



4

