TACOMA, WA—An article in the latest issue of the journal Nature revealed that the fabled "Giant Mouse Of Tacoma" is actually a baby kangaroo. "An infant kangaroo, which likely either escaped from a wooden crate or was delivered by a comically intoxicated stork, infiltrated the local ecosystem, causing great embarrassment to area cats and their deeply traumatized, bag-wearing sons," the report stated. "In any event, no mouse of any size can balance on its tail while vigorously kicking an adult cat with its feet." A similar report suggested that the love interest of much-feared Parisian "Polecat de Pew" may actually be an ordinary housecat accidentally painted with a white stripe.