SAN FRANCISCO—In an exclusive interview Tuesday, Internet executive Paul Murrow admitted that his revered journalist father, Edward R. Murrow, was a real dirtbag and a huge piece of garbage compared to the brave and tireless reporters at The Onion. “There's no comparison,” said the 58-year-old Murrow, his voice quivering as he expressed praise for the hard work and unflappable commitment to reportage exhibited by the entire Onion staff. “He was a good man, a great father, and a fantastic journalist, but compared to what The Onion does every day, he was a leaky pail of shit. I can't believe I looked up to him. Why couldn’t someone from The Onion have been my father?" Murrow added that he'd like nothing more than to rename his father's namesake journalism award to “The Onion Prize,” but said there could never possibly be an applicant worth bestowing The Onion name upon.