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    St. Patrick's Day

    Slideshow • ISSUE 44•08 • Mar 14, 2009
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    • Irish-Americans Gear Up For 'The Reinforcin' O' The Stereotypes'

      1 of 9
    • Freshly Scented Soap To Cleanse Irish

      DUBLIN, IRELAND—After centuries of suffering, the people of the world will finally have some much-needed relief from the offending filth of the ubiquitous Irish. The remedy: a new, freshly scented deodorant soap designed specifically with malodorous Irish riff-raff in mind.
      2 of 9
    • Man Who's 1/16th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage

      KENOSHA, WI—Despite being just 1/16th Irish, Dennis Kroeger, a 27-year-old marketing manager whose great-great grandmother hailed from County Cork, is fiercely proud of his Irish ancestry.
      3 of 9
    • Woman Mentally Breaks Up With Colin Farrell

      MERCER, PA—Heather Lentz's 11-month imaginary romance with bad-boy heartthrob Colin Farrell has ended, the 25-year-old paralegal announced Monday.
      4 of 9
    • Scholars Discover 23 Blank Pages That May As Well Be Lost Samuel Beckett Play

      PARIS—The pages could represent the bleakness of life and might even be the inimitable Nobel Prize winner's greatest masterpiece.
      5 of 9
    • Sinn Fein Leaders Demand Year-Round Shamrock Shake Availability

      BELFAST, NORTHERN IRELAND—The Irish Republican Army announced Monday that it will embark on its most aggressive campaign of violence ever if McDonald's Shamrock Shakes are not made available year-round.
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    • Secretary Of State Returns From 'Fucking Incredible' Diplomatic Trip To Ireland

      WASHINGTON, DC—Madeline Albright returned Monday from a “totally amazing” diplomatic visit to Ireland.
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    • Mournful Irish Flute Used In Documentary About Loss Of Senior Lounge

      GREENWICH, CT—In a documentary that the Greenwich High School Gazette called
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    • Rest Of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving

      SAN FRANCISCO—The Edge, Adam Clayton, and Larry Mullen Jr. are perfectly okay with the dismal plight of Africa's poor.
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