Stewart's Prison Sentence

American Voices

March 24, 2004 | ISSUE 40•12

The nation awaits Martha Stewart's June 17 sentencing, which will reveal how much time she spends in prison. What do you think?

Martha's headed to jail? Her emotions must be running the gamut from taut-lipped pseudo-WASP rage to unhealthy denial.

Bruce Bennett
Systems Analyst
She's just going to learn how to be a better insider trader from all the other inmates.

Kathy Henderson
Secretary
I'll be able to sleep easier knowing that another motivated, powerful woman is off the streets.

Steve Woods
Referee
It's about time we cracked down on white-collar criminals without political connections.

Willi Cooper
Usher
The woman is about to go to prison, yet her site still charges 39 bucks for a goddamn egg-shaped beeswax candle?

Beverly Ross
Window Trimmer
Hey, did anyone say how funny it would be if Martha decorated her jail cell in some elaborate way? Oh.

Nicholas Coleman
Anesthesiologist

Smoking Speeds Mental Decline

02.08.12 | ISSUE 48•06

A study published in Archives Of General Psychiatry found that middle-aged men who smoked had diminished cognitive skills, the equivalent of having aged an additional 10 years.
Migrating Whooping Cranes Stall In Alabama

02.07.12 | ISSUE 48•06

Nine whooping cranes that had been following an ultralight aircraft as it guided them on their migratory route stopped when they reached Alabama, 500 miles short of the intended destination.
Florida Millionaire Adopts 42-Year-Old Girlfriend

02.06.12 | ISSUE 48•06

A 48-year-old West Palm Beach millionaire and polo club founder has adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend in an apparent bid to avoid paying out a wrongful death lawsuit.
Should Sugar Be Regulated?

02.03.12 | ISSUE 48•05

In a recent editorial in the journal Nature, researchers from the University of California–San Francisco suggested that as a toxic substance, sugar should be taxed and regulated like alcohol or tobacco.
Burmese Pythons Exterminating Everglades Mammals

02.02.12 | ISSUE 48•05

A study in the journal Proceedings Of The National Academy of Sciences links a drastic decline in raccoons and other mammals in the Florida everglades to the introduction of Burmese pythons.