WILMETTE, IL—In an impromptu press conference held Monday afternoon in the parking lot of a local GameStop, a coalition of four area stoners announced their intentions to get stoned for that next weekend, adding that while the activity has much to offer sober, its sights, sounds, and smells could only be improved under the influence of marijuana. "We have concluded that getting stoned before attending this particular event would not only intensify our sensory perceptions, but also heighten our ability to philosophically analyze the experience in 10-minute bursts," group spokesman Mark Sax, 23, said. "Also, we have every reason to believe it will be seriously kick ass [stoned]." Members of the group unanimously agreed that it would be the complete ultimate if Burkey can get off work early and get stoned with them.