WASHINGTON—A troubling new report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services revealed Thursday that fewer than 4 percent of American children have a strong male supermodel in their lives. “During their formative years, it is essential that our young people have a lean, strong-jawed Adonis to look up to,” said the department’s deputy secretary, Bill Corr, adding that many children don’t even have a father at home, let alone one who is “chiseled and knows how to look good in anything.” “In America today, the percentage of fathers, uncles, and male educators who have high cheekbones and wax all of their body hair is at an all-time low. With such a lack of positive examples, how will our kids learn to handle themselves in a photoshoot or on the runway? Who will teach them important life skills like showing up on time, making bedroom eyes at the camera, and pursing one’s lips while squinting?” Corr also expressed his concern that without enough positive male supermodels, today’s children may never grow to feel comfortable getting in front of the camera in their underwear.