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    Summer

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•32 • Aug 7, 2012
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    • Area Daughter Wearing Next To Nothing

      ATHENS, GA—Anger, shock, and feelings of intense awkwardness were just some of the reactions in the Helstein household Tuesday as Jeremy Helstein, 46, scolded his 17-year-old daughter Erica for allegedly wearing
      1 of 9
    • Woman Proud Of Horrible Tan

      PORTAGE, WI—Local resident Stacy Nielsen takes great pride in her deep, dark, horrible suntan, the 28-year-old sales associate revealed Tuesday.
      2 of 9
    • Disney Family Vacation Ruined By Walt Disney Company

      ORLANDO, FL–A magical Walt Disney World family vacation was ruined last weekend by the stringent policies and protocol of the Walt Disney Company.
      3 of 9
    • Five-Family Yard Sale Mainly Selling Items To Each Other

      LAKE OSWEGO, OR–Despite participants' hopes of unloading useless, long-shelved items for profit, Oakdale Court's five-family yard sale last weekend was dominated by the transfer of items from one table to another.
      4 of 9
    • Dozens Dead In Chicago-Area Meatwave

      CHICAGO—Forty residents have already succumbed to meat exhaustion due to steak, chops, ribs, and bacon.
      5 of 9
    • Co-Worker Just A Little Too Excited About Company Summer Softball League

      DE KALB, IL—Wayne Dietz, 31, can’t wait for the rematch against his company’s hated rival, Speedy Printers.
      6 of 9
    • Uncle Greg To Attempt Comeback At Family Barbecue

      BATON ROUGE, LA—Sources agree that Uncle Greg peaked in 1999, and that a long string of ugly incidents since then—including Aunt Margaret’s birthday party, during which he made an unfortunate joke about her spinsterhood, and the picnic at the lake to which he brought his best friend Bobby, who kept hitting on a 16-year-old niece—has all but cemented his role as the family’s black sheep.
      7 of 9
    • Sea Claims Flip-Flop

      8 of 9
    • National Parks Closed For Annual Remajestification

      WASHINGTON—According to officials, the weeklong process includes extensive brook re-babbling, the application of new bark to some 37,000 giant redwood trees, litter removal, and the sharpening and re-snowcapping of every peak in the Rockies.
      9 of 9
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