-
  • Spurs, Celtics Begin Stiff-Legged Lurch to the Finals
  • LeBron James Only Person In Arena Chanting 'MVP'
  • Early Playoff Exit Provides Huge Relief To Grizzlies
  • New Jersey Devils Under Assumption They Were Invited To Brooklyn As Well
  • Ryan Tannehill Gets To Know Dolphins' Offense By Having Quaint Dinner With Playbook
  • Time Literally Catches Up to Jamie Moyer's Fastball

Sports News in Brief

Super Bowl Security Breached As Regular Football Fan Finds Way Into Stadium

February 7, 2011 | ISSUE 47•05

ARLINGTON, TX—Security officials admitted Monday that 25-year-old Michael Thillens, a normal Packers fan with no connection to any corporate sponsor or multimillion-dollar Dallas business, somehow entered Cowboys Stadium and was able to watch his team play in the Super Bowl for two quarters Sunday before being apprehended. "First off, I don't know how an actual fan of one of these teams got a ticket to the game, but that's for another day," said security director Mel Janicki, who stressed that every year authorities do their very best to make sure sponsors, friends of sponsors, curious millionaires, high-level league employees, and celebrities are allowed to attend the Super Bowl in a safe and stable environment. "We should have been more suspicious when he entered the stadium wearing all that Green Bay apparel, but we get a lot of rich investors who bring their kids and buy a bunch of team clothing before the game just for the fun of it." Janicki said that Thillens gave himself away by being the only person in the stadium who cared about the game's outcome.

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.