-
  • Controversial GoDaddy.com Super Bowl Commercial To Feature Scantily Clad Woman Performing Late-Term Abortion
  • Brandon Marshall Proves What He’s Capable Of If Defenses Play At 50 Percent
  • Crocodile Chokes To Death On Curt Schilling
  • Offensive Lineman Uses Expressive Poetry To Deeply Move Linebacker
  • Inconsistent Indiana Ranked 2nd And 24th In New AP Poll
  • Tebow Goes Back To Being Named 'Jimmer Fredette' For NFL Offseason

Sports News in Brief

Superstitious John Lackey Has To Build, Destroy A Luxury Hotel Before Every Start

September 15, 2009 | ISSUE 45•37

ANAHEIM, CA—Following John Lackey's most recent win, teammates on the Angels revealed that one of the superstitious starting pitcher's most prominent pre-game rituals is to design, construct, and demolish a luxury hotel before he takes the mound. "I can't even talk to him before a game because he's just so focused on installing the hotel's final brick, attending its ribbon-cutting ceremony, and then scanning its structural integrity for implosion points," said teammate Chone Figgins, who occasionally helps out by placing a call to his builder cousin for a good rate on poured concrete. "You can always tell [Lackey]'s going to have a bad start if he doesn't get the hotel up to code in time, or can't set off all the detonator charges in the right order before the game starts." When asked for an assessment of the hotels, Figgins said they were "pretty tacky."

The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.