American Voices

The 10K Dow

April 7, 1999 | ISSUE 35•13

On March 29, the Dow Jones made history, closing above 10,000 points for the first time ever. What do you think about Wall Street's unprecedented vigor?

  • Damn. I knew I should have invested my money in stocks instead of food.

    Patrick Glynn
    Cab Driver

  • Ten thousand points doesn't seem like that much. I regularly reach that on the Dig Dug machine at the Hyper-Mart.

    Lester Hodges
    Investment Banker

  • Everything's wonderful! Let's celebrate America's runaway prosperity by playing 'Yes! We Have No Bananas' on the phonograph again!

    Felicia Hassler
    Systems Analyst

  • Some say money is the root of all evil. Then again, some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.

    Jen Kobel
    Set Designer

  • This gives me hope that perhaps someday my income will break the $10,000 mark.

    Edward Burris
    Cashier

  • Forgive me if I do not congratulate your 'Dow' as it soars to ever-loftier heights. I am still mourning my lost son Icarus, whose hubris and folly made him fly too close to the sun.

    Robert Stearns
    Architect

Recent American Voices
The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.