Watch and Review Our New Show: Onion News Empire
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    The Afterlife

    Slideshow • ISSUE 44•06 • Feb 26, 2008
    • Facebook4
    • Twitter0
    • Google Plus0
    • Don Knotts, Richard Pryor Team Up For Madcap Haunting

      ESCONDIDO, CA—The ectoplasmic comedy legends make for the funniest pair of poltergeists yet.
      1 of 10
    • Mother Teresa Sent To Hell In Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up

      CALCUTTA—In what is widely believed to be the result of clerical error on the part of Heaven's massive soul-evaluation and punishment-allocation bureaucracy, The Calcutta Daily-Telegram reported Monday that beloved missionary caregiver Mother Teresa was condemned to agonizing, eternal torment in Hell following her death last Friday at the age of 87.
      2 of 10
    • Family Unsure What To Do With Dead Hipster's Possessions

      LOUISVILLE, KY—Five weeks after the death of her 26-year-old hipster son Kent, Enid Lowery announced that the family faces a difficult task in figuring out what to do with his many unusual possessions.
      3 of 10
    • Specters Of Dental Hygienists Past Haunt Convention Center

      SPOKANE, WA—
      4 of 10
    • Suburban Home Haunted By Really Boring Ghosts

      GURNEE,  IL—Occasionally, the occupants of this haunted residence will return home to find their Uno cards spread out all over the table.
      5 of 10
    • Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope

      HEAVEN—The soul of Pope John Paul II wondered where all the marble statues and gem-encrusted scepters were.
      6 of 10
    • Ghost Of Christmas Future Taunts Children With Visions Of PlayStation 5

      SOUTHFIELD, MI—The Ghost of Christmas Future said he has visited more than 125,000 homes since Thanksgiving, offering children an agonizing sneak peek at what they cannot have for another decade and a half.
      7 of 10
    • Various Deities Still Sorting Through Victims Of Tragic Queens Bus Accident

      NEW YORK—"The moment we saw that there was someone named 'Hawkwind,' we knew we'd be there for a while," said the Sikh god Waheguru.
      8 of 10
    • Suicide Letter Full Of Simpsons References

      STORRS, CT—University of Connecticut sophomore Aaron Bennett, 20, was found dead of an apparent sleeping-pill overdose in his campus-area apartment Saturday, a suicide note riddled with references to the popular TV show The Simpsons on his desk.
      9 of 10
    • Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population

      CAIRO—The number of undead Egyptian princes roaming the desert has diminished from 12,000 in 1970 to just 300 today.
      10 of 10
    • More Slideshows

      Start Over
      • Hair

      • The Roast of Ahmadinejad

      • Safety

      • Political Campaigns

      • The Underworld

    Recently in Slideshow See More >

    Lifestyle

    Lifestyle

    News

    Travel

    News

    Unsponsored

    Recent News

    Everyone Forgets To Bring Swimsuits To Coworker’s PartyObama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First TermNation Supposes It's Outraged By White House ScandalsCoworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little FuckerCall From Daycare Can't Be GoodJoint Chiefs Chairman Pretty Sure He Could Pull Off Junta If He Really Wanted ToThe Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk Project

    Recent Videos

    ‘Angelina Jolie Is A Brave, Heroic Woman,’ Says Blogger Who Once Said She Looks Like An Alien

    Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking AwesomePossum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

    • TV: What's On Tonight?: Fox apologizes for canceling The Cleveland Show by letting Seth MacFarlane creep into the Simpsons finale

    • Orphan Black, "Entangled Bank"

    • Doctor Who, "The Name Of The Doctor"

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

    • There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

    • Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved