Jesus, we messed up—we messed up big time. Oh, God, we didn't mean to do it, okay? It just happened. Shit, shit, shit! Come on, Onion, come on, just think. Fuck! Okay, okay, we can do this. We'll just move him into the basement and think things through from there.
Last Tuesday, The Onion accidentally printed a photo of a nun feeding an apple to a horse everywhere a photo belonged.
An article yesterday repeatedly referred to Hillary Clinton as “the birthday girl.” This was unprofessional and entirely inaccurate.
The Onion apologizes for its failure to meet the oh-so-high editorial standards of a genius such as yourself.