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    The Best Of God

    Slideshow • religion • ISSUE 46•28 • Jul 19, 2010
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    • God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule

      NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.
      1 of 9
    • God Introduces New Bird

      THE HEAVENS—Available in two colors­—male and female—the bird reportedly combines everything God has learned from His previous works into one
      2 of 9
    • God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz

      SOUTH BRONX, NY—The Lord Almighty announced He has mad love for every nigga who has given Him props throughout the years.
      3 of 9
    • God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy

      'No,' Says God

      SAN FRANCISCO—Timmy Yu’s dream came true Monday, when the Lord responded to his plea with a resounding no.
      4 of 9
    • God Makes Surprise Visit To Local Church

      FAYETTEVILLE, NC—"Thought I'd just pop in and see how things were going. Please, pretend like I'm not even here," said the God of Abraham, Lord Almighty.
      5 of 9
    • God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

      Officials Uncertain Whether To Save Or Shoot Victims

Nation's Politicians Applaud Great Job They're Doing

Area Man Drives Food There His Goddamned Self

Bush: 'It Has Been Brought To My Attention That There Was Recently A Bad Storm'
      6 of 9
    • God Demands Cuter Precious Moments Figurines

      7 of 9
    • Judge Orders God To Break Up Into Smaller Deities

      WASHINGTON, DC—A U.S. judge ruled that God is in violation of anti-monopoly laws and ordered Him to break up into smaller deities.
      8 of 9
    • God Promises 'Big Surprises' In Store For Hurricane Season

      HOLLYWOOD, FL—The 2002 hurricane season will be packed with "big surprises, big windspeeds, and a big, big finish," God announced Monday at a press conference touting His fall schedule.
      9 of 9
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