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    The Clinton Years

    Slideshow • ISSUE 40•33 • Aug 17, 2004
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    • Clinton Vaguely Disappointed By Lack Of Assassination Attempts

      CHAPPAQUA, NY—President Clinton doesn't want to be remembered as the president who wasn't worth a couple pot shots.
      1 of 22
    • Clinton Declares Self President For Life

      WASHINGTON, DC—Denouncing the American electoral process, Bill Clinton announced he will not leave his post.
      2 of 22
    • Clinton Goes Back In Time, Teams Up With Golden-Age Clinton

      3 of 22
    • Clinton Suffering From Senioritis, White House Sources Say

      WASHINGTON, DC—With his final term winding down, President Clinton can’t wait to get out of the White House for good.
      4 of 22
    • Clinton Becomes First President To Clear 18 Feet In Pole Vault

      5 of 22
    • Gore Already Regretting Promise To Help Clinton Move Out

      WASHINGTON, DC–President Clinton is still 10 months away from leaving the White House, but Al Gore is already regretting his promise to help him move out, the vice-president admitted Monday.
      6 of 22
    • Cousin Oliver To Join White House For Last Year Of Clinton Presidency

      WASHINGTON, DC–President Clinton announced Monday that he has invited his tow-headed 8-year-old cousin Oliver to live with him at the White House during the final year of his presidency.
      7 of 22
    • Clinton Blows Entire Paycheck

      WASHINGTON, DC—After refusing comment on the matter for days, President Clinton finally admitted Monday that he blew his most recent paycheck, failing to deposit it into the joint checking account he shares with his wife and instead spending it on a variety of items of dubious necessity.
      8 of 22
    • Clinton Writes Fan Letter To Joan Jett

       WASHINGTON, DC—In what White House sources are calling
      9 of 22
    • Clinton Molested By Visiting Uncle

      WASHINGTON, DC—A confused President Clinton tearfully announced Monday that he was molested by his uncle Carl.
      10 of 22
    • Clinton Injected With Highly Unstable Experimental Growth Serum

       WASHINGTON, DC—Forced to take desperate measures in a last-minute attempt to avert disaster and save the free world, President Clinton ordered top military scientists to inject his body with a highly unstable experimental growth serum Monday.
      11 of 22
    • Clinton Takes Leave Of Office To Stand In Line For Star Wars: Episode I

      WASHINGTON, DC—Citing
      12 of 22
    • Clinton Unveils New Prize Hopping-Toad

      WASHINGTON, DC—At a special press conference on the White House lawn Monday, President Clinton unveiled
      13 of 22
    • ZZ Top Grants Clinton Keys To Magic Hot Rod

      WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton's approval rating skyrocketed Monday with his acquisition of the keys to the Eliminator hot rod.
      14 of 22
    • Clinton To PLO Terrorists: 'Leave The Girl Out Of It'

      WASHINGTON, DC—In a tense standoff with far-reaching implications for both the free world and the president's ironclad code of honor, President Clinton made an impassioned plea to PLO terrorists Monday to
      15 of 22
    • Clinton Found Alive

      16 of 22
    • Clinton Makes Federal Budget Proposal More Dynamic With Color Charts From Kinko's

      WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton wowed Congress with a revised balanced-budget proposal Monday, utilizing eye-catching, easy-to-read color charts printed at Kinko's to win over Republican opponents.
      17 of 22
    • Clinton Fires Cabinet After Watching X-Files

      WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton fired the entire U.S. Cabinet Monday following an episode of the popular television program X-Files he called
      18 of 22
    • Clinton Holds Summit With Magic Turtle

      WASHINGTON, DC—Crime, health care and campaign finance reform were the top issues on the agenda for President Clinton's breakfast meeting with a magic turtle at the White House Monday.
      19 of 22
    • Jawa Appointed Secretary Of Transportation

      20 of 22
    • Clinton Adopts New 'No Fear' Foreign Policy

      WASHINGTON, DC—In what observers are calling a "radically intense" move, President Clinton unveiled a new "No Fear" foreign policy approach Monday, stating that in the future, nations dealing with the U.S. should "Bring Your Spine Or Ride The Pine."
      21 of 22
    • Clinton Takes Stand Against Harmful UV Radiation

      22 of 22
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