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    The Elderly

    Slideshow • ISSUE 44•35 • Aug 10, 2008
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    • Nation’s Grandmothers Swept Up In Textile-Messaging Craze

      1 of 10
    • Area Senior Remembers A Simpler Time When His Anus Didn't Leak

      CARSON CITY, NV—Once, movies were a quarter, soda pop only cost a nickel, and Hank Fletcher's sphincter was strong enough to expand and contract when he intended.
      2 of 10
    • More Companies Phasing Out Retirement Option

      NEW YORK—With companies' pension funds dwindling as retirees enjoy longer lives, many U.S. business have opted to freeze their workers' employment status.
      3 of 10
    • Area Grandmother Tries Indian Food

      BLOOMINGTON, MN—Witnesses report Eileen Rutherford, 78, was overwhelmed by the unusual aromas but appeared delighted when a recognizable pea rolled out of her samosa.
      4 of 10
    • Area Man Good For The Economy

      5 of 10
    • Human Affection Now Available Only From Grandparents, Down Syndrome Children

      SEATTLE—In findings likely to have major ramifications on interpersonal relations throughout society, researchers at the University of Washington's Institute For Advanced Behavioral Studies announced Monday that human affection—the unconditional expression of feelings of warmth and approval toward another individual—is now only available from two sources: grandparents born before the year 1938 and children afflicted with the genetic disorder Down Syndrome.
      6 of 10
    • Grandfathers Accidentally Switched At Hospital

      LOS ANGELES—Hospital officials informed Janice Redding that the man her family knew as "Grandpa" for the past half-year actually belonged to someone else.
      7 of 10
    • New Old People Magazine Gives Old People Something To Read While Waiting To Die

      The tedious pre-death
      8 of 10
    • Elderly Man Silently Wages War Against Pharmacy

      AKRON, OH—Local retiree Gerald Stennis, 87, has been waging a silent war against the Copley Road Walgreens for the past two months, family members told reporters Monday.
      9 of 10
    • Seminal School-Portrait Photographer Dies At 92

      PHOENIX—Henry Anszczak, the photographer whose influential work revolutionized modern school portraiture, died Sunday at his family home in Eloy. He was 92.
      10 of 10
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