The Graying Of America's Prisons

American Voicespatriotism ISSUE 31•24 Jul 23, 1997

As a result of the crime boom of the '70s and '80s, experts are predicting an explosion in the number of elderly prisoners in the coming decades. What do you think?

  • “I'll tell you one upside to this: Jailbreaks and riots will take on more of a comical, pathetic quality.”

    Marianne Anders –
    Math Teacher

  • “She's never been to jail, but my grandmother is a prisoner in her own home. No way am I taking her out for walks.”

    Freddie Payton –
    Veterinarian

  • “I've been in prison for over 60 years. But do I complain? No! I'm fit as a fiddle, thanks to my Jack LaLanne juicer and a daily regimen of shower-room anal rape.”

    Marty Santana –
    Systems Analyst

  • “I heard that Roddy The Weasel, the top man in cell block 15-B, just broke his hip.”

    Elyse Reuschel –
    School Psychologist

  • “If they're really, really old, you can just stick them in some room and tell them it's jail.”

    Chet Reid –
    Civil Engineer

  • “Lefty's doing time in Sing Sing, see, because he took the fall for Moishe, see? We're going to bust him out, see? Then we're going to put the kibosh on DeSantoni's gang.”

    Milt Worrell –
    Safety Inspector