Led by such new-age gurus as Deepak Chopra and Andrew Weil, holistic medicine is more popular than ever. What do you think of alternative medicine?

• 

  I tried acupuncture once to cure a liver ailment. It wasn't the needles that bothered me; it was the Asian guy laughing at me in the background.

  Ed Shelby
  Reference Librarian

• 

  My bad breath was recently healed by a powerful new-age Certs flavor crystal.

  Alison Nickerson
  Bank Teller

• 

  This guy once told me he could redirect my chi energy by putting his dick in my butt. He was a very wise man.

  Ron Kramer
  Systems Analyst

• 

  I had my thyroid gland removed without any anesthetic, and only two acupuncture needles in my neck. The pain was excruciating.

  Francis Dhuey
  Interior Designer

• 

  I've been on a ginseng-only diet for three weeks now. Look at the colors, man. The colors.

  Stacy Rokowitz
  Psychologist

• 

  My wife had a swami over last week to correctly align her yoni and chakras. She said it worked, but it sure looked to me like he was just fucking her.

  Benjamin Wuhl
  Plumber