-
  • Carlos Beltran First Player To Homer From Three Sides Of The Plate
  • Reggie Bush Listed As Product For Sale On Nike's Web Site
  • Tim Tebow Impressing Broncos With Absence
  • Success Of I'll Have Another Making Nation's Other 3-Year-Olds Feel Inadequate
  • Pau Gasol Blamed For Making Kobe Bryant Sound Like Asshole
  • Bryce Harper Asks Manager Where Bats Come From

Sportsgraphic

January 9, 2008

The New American Gladiators

NBC has revived the muscle-bound competitive game show American Gladiators for a new generation. Onion Sports looks at what's new in this remake of an old favorite:

In a new twist, contenders are now doused with gasoline and lit on fire before each event

The new "Eliminator" obstacle course features eight-foot walls, 20 feet of burning water, and 30 models holding briefcases full of money

Boldly-printed steroid policy

New event called "Football" clearly just a game of football

Debut of "Mental Gauntlet" challenge, which pits contestants against Hellga in a game of Scrabble

The "Uproar" event, which is really just contestants trying to yell louder than Gladiators

15,000% increase in utterances of the word "Brother" per episode

The "Assault" game now features foam-covered IEDs on course

The unique competitive talents of "Sonar," the Gladiator whose other senses should more than compensate for him being blind since birth

"Joust" event still pretty cool

Recent Sportsgraphic
More Sportsgraphic
The Onion

[x] Click to close

© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.