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    The Onion Bids Farewell To The 261st Best Pope Of All Time

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 49•09 • Feb 28, 2013
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    • Pope Makes First Papal Visit To Six Flags

      EUREKA, MO—Benedict granted a private audience to dignitaries Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam at the Moose Burger Lodge in DC Comics Plaza.
      1 of 14
    • Pope Returns To Vatican With Comprehensive Plan To Blow Up United States

      WASHINGTON—In what many believed to be a related incident, a blueprint of New York's proposed Freedom Tower was reported missing the day after the Pope's visit.
      2 of 14
    • Panicked, Sweat-Covered Pope Reverses Longstanding Ban On Abortion

      VATICAN CITY—"In his unending mercy, the Lord hath come unto me one night and he hath said, 'This is totally an option now," proclaimed an anxious Pope Benedict.
      3 of 14
    • Pope Vows To Get Church Pedophilia Down To Acceptable Levels

      VATICAN CITY—Calling the behavior shameful, sinful, and much more frequent than the Vatican was comfortable with, Pope Benedict XVI vowed this week to bring the widespread pedophilia within the Roman Catholic Church down to a more manageable level.
      4 of 14
    • Pope To Ease Up On Jesus Talk

      Pontiff Trying To Be Not So In-Your-Face With That Stuff

      VATICAN CITY—Acknowledging that he has perhaps been laying it on a little thick with the religion stuff lately, Pope Benedict XVI said Wednesday that he was making a concerted effort to take all his incessant Jesus talk down a notch.
      5 of 14
    • Pope Vows To Crack Down On Crime In Vatican City Slum

      VATICAN CITY—In response to a rash of illegal activities in the most impoverished and violent neighborhood of the Holy See, Pope Benedict XVI vowed Monday to eradicate crime in the Vatican City’s slum.
      6 of 14
    • Vatican Reverses Stance On Gay Marriage After Meeting Tony And Craig

      VATICAN CITY—In a stunning and unexpected reversal of long-standing doctrine, Pope Benedict XVI proclaimed the Roman Catholic Church's unequivocal support for gay marriage Tuesday, just hours after meeting Stonington, CT couple Tony Ruggiero and Cra...
      7 of 14
    • Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer

      VATICAN CITY—Anonymous sources within the Vatican confirmed Tuesday that Pope Benedict XVI has dispatched a crack team of six highly skilled bishops to sabotage the New York headquarters of pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, a leading contraceptive manufa...
      8 of 14
    • Trusted Sistine Chapel Janitor Convicted Of Sexually Abusing Last 4 Popes

      VATICAN CITY—Bringing to a close a scandal that has rocked the Roman Catholic Church and upset millions of its followers, trusted Sistine Chapel janitor Giuseppe Falduto, 78, was convicted Thursday of sexually abusing four popes between 1965 and 201...
      9 of 14
    • Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeal To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement

      10 of 14
    • Pope Tweets Picture Of Self With God

      MIAMI—In his first post since joining social networking site Twitter early this week, Pope Benedict XVI has tweeted a picture of himself spending time with the Lord Our God, Divine Creator of the Universe.
      11 of 14
    • Pope Reaches Out To Catholic Youth By Joining Twitter, Giving Up On Catholicism

      In an effort to reach today's youth, Pope Benedict has joined Twitter and completely stopped going to church and believing in God.
      12 of 14
    • Rare Pornographic Movie Shot At Vatican For First Time Since 1982's 'Pope Fisters IV'

      VATICAN CITY—Sources confirmed a new hardcore pornographic movie began shooting at the Sistine Chapel on Sunday [Click For Full Story And Video]
      13 of 14
    • Resigning Pope No Longer Has Strength To Lead Church Backward

      VATICAN CITY—Citing his advancing age and deteriorating health, Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation from the papacy Monday, saying he no longer possessed the strength and energy required to lead the Catholic Church backward.
      14 of 14
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