The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Economy

American Voices

December 16, 2008 | ISSUE 44•51

The Dow Jones Industrial Average has fallen nearly 6,000 points since reaching its all-time high of more than 14,000 last year. What do you think?

I'm sure that'd be even more terrifying if I knew what the points represented.

Curtis Langford
Systems Analyst
C'mon, I've seen this happen a thousand times. The stock market crashes, and then twenty years and a world war later, everything's fine.

Cindy Greenlagh
Systems Analyst
This sounds like a perfect time to hatch my poorly conceived, undercapitalized business venture, so that when it fails I can blame the economy.

Ryan Timms
Systems Analyst

U.S. Cuts Aid To Pakistan

05.25.12 |

The Senate Appropriations Committee voted 30-0 to cut aid to Pakistan by $33 million after the country’s government arrested and sentenced a doctor who tipped off the United States to Osama bin Laden's location.
'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Series Reaches 10 Million Sales

05.25.12 | ISSUE 48•22

Publishing house Vintage has sold 10 million copies of the erotica trilogy Fifty Shades Of Grey in multiple formats in an astonishing six weeks.
Suspect Arrested In Etan Patz Case

05.24.12 | ISSUE 48•22

A suspect in the 1979 disappearance of 6-year-old Etan Patz, the first missing child to be put on a milk carton, was taken into custody.
U.S. Census Overcounted By 36,000

05.24.12 | ISSUE 48•21

A survey revealed that the 2010 census counted an extra 36,000 people, or 0.01 percent, because of duplicate forms and deaths, which is down from the 0.49 percent overcount in the 2000 census.
Egypt Holds First Presidential Elections

05.23.12 | ISSUE 48•21

Fifteen months after Egyptian ruler Hosni Mubarak was deposed, Egyptians voted in their first-ever free presidential elections.