Arby's Now Charging $2.99 To Let Customers Go Behind Counter, Grab Handfuls Of Roast Beef

'Huffington Post' Employee Sucked Into Aggregation Turbine

Horrified Workers Watch As Colleague Torn Apart By Powerful Content-Gathering Engine

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Arrive On Oscar Red Carpet 12 Hours Early

'We're Just So Happy To Be Here,' Joyful Couple Announces

Supreme Court Justices Drowsily Bid One Another Good Night While Drifting Off To Sleep In Giant Shared Bed

Biden To Honor Fallen Soldiers By Jumping Motorcycle Over Vietnam Memorial

Donald Trump Stares Forlornly At Tiny, Aged Penis In Mirror Before Putting On Clothes, Beginning Day

Area Family Awakes To Find Michelle Obama Tending Backyard Garden

Obama Up Early Cooking Breakfast In One Of Michelle's Extra Long T-Shirts

Fed Chief Makes Diplomatic Visit To Econopolis

Gay Marine Beaten To Bloody Pulp To Fire Up RNC Crowd

Romney, Ryan Sneak Into DNC While Posing As Caterers

Biden Says Life Better Than It Was 4 Years Ago But Nothing Can Touch Summer Of '87

Munchstrosity Created In Frito-Layboratory

Florida To Experiment With New 600-Lever Voting Machines

Mitt Romney Adopts New ‘Ronnie Ferocious’ Persona For Debates

Naked, Tied-Up Paul Ryan Tells Staff He Can’t Prepare For Debate Unless They Slap Him Harder

U.S. Signs Declaration Of Dependence On China

Ron Paul Elected Ruler Of Planet Inhabited By 1 Billion Tiny Ron Pauls

'You Are Our Supreme Leader,' Legions Of Miniature Pauls Say In Unison