While anti-violence activists continue to push for stricter gun laws including an all-out ban on assault weapons, gun advocates have dug in their heels, arguing that banning firearms and concealed carry violates people’s rights. Here are arguments for and against gun control:

PROS OF GUN CONTROL:

  • Advances the NRA’s mission of responsibility with firearms
  • Cold, dead hands free to hold other things
  • Mailroom guy just stormed off after getting fired
  • Guns are so loud!
  • Nerds, freaks, and weirdos could once again be put in their place without fear of reprisal
  • Still hundreds of other ways to murder people out there
  • Family not worth defending

CONS OF GUN CONTROL:

  • Ugh, already bought so many guns
  • Leaves citizens defenseless against government with world’s largest military, vast stockpile of nuclear weapons
  • Shopping for wedding gift suddenly even harder
  • Already hollowed out Bible
  • Nothing to spin around finger when bored
  • May encounter some resistance
  • Bang! Bang! Bang! Woohoo!