The anti-vaccination movement has grown increasingly vocal in recent years, with a variety of organizations and public figures attempting to convince parents that immunizing their children presents more risks than benefits. Here are the cases for and against vaccinating children:

PROS

  • Helps out pharmaceutical industry
  • Get to puncture child with needle
  • Old family syringe shop depends on it
  • Habituates children to the pain of existence
  • Flies in face of science by discrediting single unanimously refuted paper from 10 years ago
  • Healthier children equals friendlier waiters at Chili’s down the line
  • Could save a few million children’s lives

CONS

  • You have to go to a place
  • Chance of developing autism 100 percent
  • Puts the onus of character-building entirely on sports
  • Without suffering through diphtheria, the flu, and measles, American children will become effete, pampered do-nothings
  • Free lollipops promote unhealthy eating habits
  • Child won’t get to be kindergarten’s Typhoid Mary
  • Bullies parents into slavishly following actions recommended by decades of physicians’ peer-reviewed research that establishes an irrefutable scientific consensus