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The TuckScreen: Can't Wait To See Joe Biden's Band Play The Superbowl

By Tucker Hope

January 21, 2011

I don't listen to much popular music these days because the pulsing electronic beat in many songs makes me queasy, but back in my younger days I was quite a tune-a-holic. Like many people my song-drink of choice was anything served up by the Joe Biden Band. I remember getting so excited whenever "Sister In Law" would come on the radio, I would actually tap my foot in time with the music!

So you can imagine how tickled I am that the J.B.B. has just signed on to play the halftime show at this year's Super Bowl. I have never watched a televised football game before, but the prospect of seeing Joe, Avery Hanson, "Bongo" Lutz, and the rest of the boys back together again is definitely going to change that!

In honor of the occasion, below I am providing the full track listing for the J.B.B.'s seminal album "PB & Joe" as well as a list of their biggest hits so you can find them all and download them today. I'm also including all the lyrics for "Sister In Law" which I just transcribed from memory. Enjoy!

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"Sister-In-Law" full lyrics
At the barbecue I saw you give me the eye
Looked so good I almost dropped the pecan pie
But it cannot be, our love must stay hidden
My passion for you feels so forbidden

Chorus:
Sister-in-Law, you're my brother's wife
Sister-in-Law, I want you in my life
Sister-in-Law, why you gotta break my heart?
Remember the time we took your kids to the zoo?
And almost kissed by the penguin igloo
You said we were kept apart by fate
I said we should forget it and just mate

Chorus:
Sister-in-Law, you're my brother's wife
Sister-in-Law, I want you in my life
Sister-in-Law, why you gotta break my heart?
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why?

[Keytar solo]

He's a great guy and a wonderful bro
But you're Juliet and I'm Romeo
Star-crossed lovers, 'cept in our tale
Juliet's married to my brother, Dale.

Chorus:
Sister-in-Law, you're my brother's wife
Sister-in-Law, I want you in my life
Sister-in-Law, why you gotta break my heart?

PB & JOE Tracklist
Side One:
1 - Sister-In-Law
2 - Enchilada Jubilee
3 - Sand 'Tween My Toes
4 - Shut Up, Adults
5 - Get Tidal!

Side Two:
1 - Greatest Burrito
2 - Tell Teacher I'm Waxin' My Board
3 - Return of the Relaxinator
4 - The Girl In The Coconut Bikini
5 - Total Summer
6 - Bonfire Freakout (Part 1)

The Joe Biden Band: Golden Collection - The #1 Hits 1973 - 1982 Tracklist
1 - Groovy Bowl Of Grapes
2 - Sister-In-Law
3 - Scalp Tan
4 - Waiting For The Money To Roll In
5 - The Ladies
6 - Tell 'Em Joe Sent Ya
7 - Surf Rock Mongolia
8 - Beware The Jabber-Rock-y
9 - Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls Girls
10 - Havin' A Moon Party (live at The Great Wall of China)
11 - Brew Doggin'
12 - Catch Me If You’re Tan
13 - A Gal Named Jill
14 - Only Jill
15 - You Are My Jill
16 - Psychedelic Fur-Coffee #18
17 - He's Got The Reagan Blues
18 - The President Is A Demon
19 - It's Revolution Time
20 - Nothing Is Anything
21 - Christmas In Joe Town!

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Anchor Bios

  • Brooke Alvarez

    As the host of FactZone, Brooke Alvarez is one of the world's most recognizable news figures. Growing up in Russia, Brooke dreamed of being famous and powerful. She emigrated to U.S., erased all trace of her Russian accent within three weeks, and began her systematic ascent to the top of the news industry. The details of this rapid climb through the various lesser networks to end up at the Onion News Network was the subject of "The Devil Incarnate" a book refuted by Brooke as "the pathetic scrawlings of a bitter and jealous acne-scarred half-reporter."


    A prolific Twitter user, Brooke tweets 20 to 40 times a day, often while her guests are talking. She's appeared as herself in more than a dozen motion pictures although there is some debate whether she understood that the words on her teleprompter were fictional and where they would eventually appear. Brooke owns five corgi dogs, her favorite food is kale, and she is married to author Thomas Pynchon.


    Brooke is active in charity work, having formed a foundation to teach newscaster dialect to young urban teens. She's politically motivated as well, publicly campaigning against wind farms whenever her schedule allows.


    While the media has made much of her long-standing feuds with both Wolf Blitzer and Yo Yo Ma, Brooke insists she is easy to get along with as long as everyone understands their place.


    Brooke stays healthy and happy by swimming 20 miles each day in the resistance pool in her office.

  • Jim Haggerty

    As co-host of the Onion News Network’s top-rated morning show, Today Now!, Jim Haggerty is no stranger to adventure. On the show, Haggerty has entered NASA simulators, sky-dived into the Grand Canyon, and chewed coca leaves with a group of Peruvian folk musicians who had appeared on the show. Haggerty’s busy schedule doesn’t stop him from pursuing side ventures. He has his own line of men’s fashions, is the spokesman for the EZ Car Vacuum Kit and authored "The Gentleman's Guide To Backyard Grilling." Haggerty studied Psychology at Arizona State University and spent his summers working at a local Renaissance Fair. After college, he moved to New York City and enrolled in a night-school program in broadcasting. His first big break was hosting the Onion Broadcasting Channel talent competition, "Dance, Dance, America, Dance."

  • Shelby Cross

    Former prosecutor Shelby Cross takes no prisoners in her quest for justice. Whether she's berating a grieving mother for allowing her infant son to get murdered or advising viewers on how to make themselves unappealing to date rapists, Shelby Cross has your back.

  • Tracy Gill

    As the co-host of the highest-rated morning show on the Onion News Network, Tracy Gill has interviewed thousands of celebrities, public figures, and newsworthy widows. Listed as one of Forbes’ Fiftysomething Most Powerful Women In Television, Gill founded the charity "Umbrellas Of Love" which seeks to spread the word about the dangers of flying debris through ad campaigns and educational programs. (Gill's own childhood friend was killed by an errant piece of plywood while waterskiing.) In order to meet the demanding schedule for Today Now!, Tracy generally only sleeps three hours a day, rising at 2 a.m. to begin the drive to the Onion News Network studios. Gill is the subject of an in-depth biography, “Over the Flames an Eagle Soared: The Tracy Gill Story,” which addressed media claims she is a cutthroat opportunist. In defense of Gill, the author likens Gill to an eagle -- a beautiful and respected figure, but one that must protect itself to survive. Gill is currently married to wealthy television mogul Bob Johanson.

  • Tucker Hope

    Co-hosting FactZone is a dream come true for Tucker Hope. Not only does it give Tucker the chance to work side-by-side with the most respected name and most beautiful face in news, it provides the opportunity to use the touchscreen manipulation skills he has been honing since junior high on a touchscreen set up in his family's living room. In fact, Tucker was home-schooled to allow him to focus on perfecting his pinching and zooming and practicing his pronunciation of "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad." In order to be at the ready or perhaps to keep an eye over his touchscreen, Tucker never leaves the studio, sleeping on a cot he set up behind his Recon Wall. Due to a contract stipulation created by Brooke, Tucker doesn't get paid by the Onion News Network but receives whatever the gracious FactZone host herself feels like he earned that week.