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    The Vatican

    Slideshow • World • ISSUE 47•28 • Jul 13, 2011
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    • Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards

      VATICAN CITY—The Vatican has released a strict new set of Church laws intended to reduce the nocturnal emissions of teenage polluters by 50 percent in the next decade, Cardinal Antoni Bertoli announced Monday.
      1 of 10
    • Priest Shortage Forces Vatican To Hire Temps To Deliver Sacred Rites

      MILWAUKEE—"To stop parishes from closing, we're allowing pretty much anyone who is willing to show up at 9 a.m. and work for slightly more than minimum wage to act as a Vessel of Christ," Pope Benedict XVI explained in a decree issued by the Vatican.
      2 of 10
    • Pope Vows To Crack Down On Crime In Vatican City Slum

      VATICAN CITY—In response to a rash of illegal activities in the most impoverished and violent neighborhood of the Holy See, Pope Benedict XVI vowed Monday to eradicate crime in the Vatican City’s slum.
      3 of 10
    • Pope Returns To Vatican With Comprehensive Plan To Blow Up United States

      WASHINGTON—In what many believed to be a related incident, a blueprint of New York's proposed Freedom Tower was reported missing the day after the Pope's visit.
      4 of 10
    • Vatican Beatifies John Paul II As Patron Saint Of Ignoring Problem Until You Die

      5 of 10
    • Shroud Of Turin Accidentally Washed With Red Shirt

      VATICAN CITY—The damage occurred when Pope Benedict XVI, who was on laundry duty, did not notice a brand new bright-red Hanes Beefy-T in the Holy Whirlpool washer.
      6 of 10
    • Pope Vows To Get Church Pedophilia Down To Acceptable Levels

      VATICAN CITY—Calling the behavior shameful, sinful, and much more frequent than the Vatican was comfortable with, Pope Benedict XVI vowed this week to bring the widespread pedophilia within the Roman Catholic Church down to a more manageable level.
      7 of 10
    • Muslims To Boycott All Pope Merchandise

      KARACHI—A halt in sales of La-Z-Pope chairs, Pope Oaties cereal, and Jiffy-Pope could spell trouble for the Vatican's multi-billion-dollar consumer-goods empire.
      8 of 10
    • Panicked, Sweat-Covered Pope Reverses Longstanding Ban On Abortion

      VATICAN CITY—"In his unending mercy, the Lord hath come unto me one night and he hath said, 'This is totally an option now," proclaimed an anxious Pope Benedict.
      9 of 10
    • Pope To Ease Up On Jesus Talk

      Pontiff Trying To Be Not So In-Your-Face With That Stuff

      VATICAN CITY—Acknowledging that he has perhaps been laying it on a little thick with the religion stuff lately, Pope Benedict XVI said Wednesday that he was making a concerted effort to take all his incessant Jesus talk down a notch.
      10 of 10
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