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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • ISSUE 47•14 • Apr 11, 2011
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    • Zip-Lining Day Trip To Somehow Save Marriage

      CONCORD, NH—According to sources, the deteriorating 10-year-old marriage of Dale and Gina Byer will somehow be magically restored this weekend by a zip-lining excursion to the mountains of northern New Hampshire.
      1 of 11
    • Thunderstorms Force PGA Organizers To Move Masters Indoors

      AUGUSTA, GA—Severe thunderstorms in the Richmond County area forced organizers to move the first round of the 2011 Masters indoors to nearby John M. Tutt Middle School, tournament chairman Billy Payne announced Thursday.
      2 of 11
    • Goldfish Dying To Be Petted Just Once

      3 of 11
    • Supreme Court Ruling Gives Fans The Right To Act Like Total Assholes At Games

      In an 8-1 decision, the Court found that buying a ticket is license to boo, swear and throw beer at whomever fans please at a sporting event, on the grounds that anyone who doesn't like it can stay home, and those tickets pay for the players' salaries, so who are they to complain?
      4 of 11
    • The Onion Review: Obama Casts National Musical

      Americans audition for a government production of Guys and Dolls, a jukebox flat-out rejects an Oasis CD, and a juror in Barry Bonds trial is ready for any foul balls. It's the week of April 4th, 2011.
      5 of 11
    • Mr. Met Shows Up For Home Opener 90 Pounds Lighter

      6 of 11
    • FBI Director Sheepishly Admits Agency Hasn't Solved Single Crime In 10 Years

      WASHINGTON—In response to a probe into the bureau's operational costs, FBI director Robert Mueller timidly told Congress Wednesday that the organization he oversees has not technically solved any crimes since 2001.
      7 of 11
    • Jukebox Pretending Oasis CD Too Scratched To Play

      8 of 11
    • 10 Tips To Really Increase Your Back Pain

      9 of 11
    • White House To Hold Second Auditions This Week For Nationwide Production Of 'Guys And Dolls'

      'We're Still Looking For A Really Good Nathan Detroit,' Obama Says

      WASHINGTON—Saying they are very close to casting all the principal parts for the nationwide stage production of Guys And Dolls, White House officials announced Monday that a second round of auditions will be held this Thursday, and that the show's director, President Barack Obama, is still looking for the perfect person to fill the lead role of Nathan Detroit.
      10 of 11
    • Neurologists Paint Grim Picture Of 'Madden' Football's Long-Term Effect On Players' Brains

      SAN JOSE, CA—In an alarming report that sheds new light on the dangers of the game, the Institute for Brain Injury Research published Wednesday the results of a five-year investigation into the long-term neurological consequences of playing Madden football.
      11 of 11
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