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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•01 • Jan 9, 2012
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    • Neighborhood Kind Of Hoping Panera Bread Shows Up And Plows Over Charming Local Bakery

      WORCESTER, MA—Residents of Worcester's Grafton Hill neighborhood acknowledged Monday they would not necessarily mind a Panera Bread franchise coming in and wiping out Callahan's, a charming, family-run bakery that has been a fixture of their communi...
      1 of 14
    • UFC Fan Knows What All Those Guys' Names Are

      KINGSPORT, TN—Sources confirmed Monday that area resident Kyle Nickerson apparently knows the actual names of all those guys in the UFC and that, to him, they don't all sort of run together.
      2 of 14
    • Surgeon General: Smoking Fine As Long As You Only Do It When You Drink

      The office of the Surgeon General holds a live press conference to explain that no one has ever gotten cancer from just bumming a couple cigarettes at a party.
      3 of 14
    • Prime Minister Of Norway Gets Laid

      OSLO, NORWAY—Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg got laid on Friday, according to a spokesperson for the Norwegian government.
      4 of 14
    • Presidential Fitness Test Now Awarded To Any Kid Who Can Eat Without Sweating

      WASHINGTON—Finally conceding it is unrealistic to expect today's children to complete a pull-up, run a mile, or touch their toes, the President's Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition announced Tuesday the new standard for winning its award woul...
      5 of 14
    • Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term

      PITTSBURGH—Citing three years of exhausting partisan politics, constant gridlock in Congress, and an overall feeling that the entire nation has "completely lost it," President Barack Obama openly asked a  campaign-rally crowd Tuesday why h...
      6 of 14
    • 'These Last Two Are Gonna Be Real Turds,' George R.R. Martin Assures Fans

      SANTA FE, NM—In the wake of last year's highly successful publication of the fifth installment in his A Song Of Ice And Fire series, author George R.R.
      7 of 14
    • NHL Tries To Pass Off Commercial Flight As Flyover For Winter Classic

      PHILADELPHIA—NHL officials seized the opportunity given them when a United Airlines 737 passed over Citizen's Park Bank during the opening festivities of Monday's Winter Classic, attempting to convince the 46,967 fans in attendance that flight 2734 ...
      8 of 14
    • Man Suspected Of Being Bumbling Spy

      WASHINGTON—Citing his erratic social behaviors, sudden unexplained disappearances, nondescript occupation, and habit of accidentally walking off piers while pretending to read newspapers, acquaintances of 37-year-old Jeff Walther said Thursday they ...
      9 of 14
    • What Did We Find In Our Winter Coat Pockets?

      10 of 14
    • All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer

      SAN DIEGO—Following seven straight years of long hours at the office and sacrificed weekends and holidays, all of account manager Sam Hemstead's hard work and single-minded devotion to Pinnacle Automotive Insurance has finally paid off for CEO Charl...
      11 of 14
    • NFL Coaches Admit It Sucks When You Have To Punt

      It's Shitty Because You Don't Have The Ball Anymore, Coaches Say

      NEW YORK—As the 2012 NFL playoffs begin, coaches across the league find themselves in agreement on one fundamental aspect of the game: Punting the ball sucks, because the other team gains possession of the ball. "I was glad we only had to punt ...
      12 of 14
    • Masochistic Record Wants To Be Broken Again

      SAN FRANCISCO—Days after San Francisco 49ers kicker David Akers set the new single-season mark for field goals made, the masochistic record publicly stated its strong desire to be broken "again, and again, and again—shattered even." ...
      13 of 14
    • 'Maybe Hang Out In The Water Awhile, Then Look For Some Old Bread,' Duck Tells Self

      14 of 14
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