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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•09 • Mar 5, 2012
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    • Romney Thanks State He Was Born And Raised In For Just Barely Giving Him Enough Votes To Beat Total Maniac

      1 of 8
    • Cost Of Living Now Outweighs Benefits

      WASHINGTON, DC—A report released Monday by the Federal Consumer Quality-Of-Life Control Board indicates that the cost of living now outstrips life's benefits for many Americans.
      2 of 8
    • Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

      Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about herself continuously for over fifty hours.
      3 of 8
    • Meth Addicts Demand Government Address Nation's Growing Spider Menace

      WASHINGTON, DC—Activists called for federal assistance as a last resort after trying to contain the problem with diplomacy, cathode rays, and methamphetamines.
      4 of 8
    • Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick

      An emotional Rick Santorum stepped up his anti-gay rhetoric this week, saying jerks like Philadelphia's Nicholas Wiseman should not be allowed to marry a man they barely know when there's someone out there who truly cares for them.
      5 of 8
    • Washed-Up Air Bud Signs With Greek Pro Team

      RHODES, GREECE—Ignoring critics’ calls for the aging golden retriever's retirement, basketball standout and multisport athlete Air "Bud" Buddy has signed a one-year contract for an undisclosed amount with Kolossos Rodou B.C., a mid-l...
      6 of 8
    • Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box

      ITHACA, NY—"I'm going to be the big boy of the house until he gets back," said 5-year-old Ryan Lewis, whose daddy now resides in a cool underground fort.
      7 of 8
    • NHL's New 'Blue Zone' Channel Only Shows Games When The Puck Is Within 3 Feet Of One Of The Blue Lines

      NEW YORK—Boasting that fans will now be able to see "every crossing of neutral ice and many of the faceoffs from every game," the National Hockey League introduced its new "Blue Zone" subscription-only programming channel Saturda...
      8 of 8
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