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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•10 • Mar 12, 2012
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    • Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer

      VATICAN CITY—Anonymous sources within the Vatican confirmed Tuesday that Pope Benedict XVI has dispatched a crack team of six highly skilled bishops to sabotage the New York headquarters of pharmaceutical giant Pfizer, a leading contraceptive manufa...
      1 of 13
    • Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth

      WASHINGTON—As Rick Santorum has emerged to become Mitt Romney's leading opponent for the Republican presidential nomination, the American electorate said Monday it had slowly begun to realize that the former Pennsylvania senator sincerely believes e...
      2 of 13
    • Sources: Any Number Of Players Could Be Traded To Nearly Any Combination Of Teams

      NEW YORK—With the NFL Draft approaching, pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, and the NBA trade deadline drawing nearer, multiple sources are reporting that a near-limitless number of deals could be struck as soon as this week.
      3 of 13
    • Romney Now Flaunting His Wealth To Impress Voters

      Instead of downplaying his millionaire status, Mitt Romney is now wearing fur coats and gold chains.
      4 of 13
    • Poll: 63% Of Americans Say They Have A Problem With A Mormon President Who Is Also Mitt Romney

      WASHINGTON—A Gallup poll released Tuesday suggests voters are highly resistant to electing a Mormon who is Mitt Romney as president of the United States.
      5 of 13
    • Brooklyn Man Can Still Remember Where He Was When Giants Won Super Bowl XLVI

      BROOKLYN, NY—Giants fan and Brooklyn resident Charles Somers, 34, can still remember exactly where he was on the early February day when the New York Giants won the NFL championship by defeating the New England Patriots in the 2012 Super Bowl.
      6 of 13
    • Media Reminds Public Not To Overemphasize Super Tuesday Results Or Draw Any Sort Of Wide-Reaching Conclusions

      NEW YORK—Saying that they didn't want to be responsible for unduly affecting the course of the Republican presidential primary, representatives of the media urged the public not to be swayed by its breathless coverage and over-analysis of every resu...
      7 of 13
    • All Of Nation's Resources Dumped Into 50 Children Who Are Actually The Future

      Year In Review

      WASHINGTON—Stating it is time to rethink how the nation lays a foundation for a better tomorrow, President Barack Obama announced Wednesday that all of the federal government's resources will now be directed exclusively toward the 50 children who ac...
      8 of 13
    • This Article Generating Thousands Of Dollars In Ad Revenue Simply By Mentioning New iPad

      SAN FRANCISCO—According to industry sources, this news article is generating a veritable bonanza of highly lucrative advertising revenue by mere virtue of the fact that it mentions Apple's new iPad.
      9 of 13
    • Chris Kattan Wondering Whether He Should Start A Podcast

      LOS ANGELES—Citing the freedom of the form, the popularity of shows such as WTF With Marc Maron and The Joe Rogan Experience, and the likelihood that his fans would be excited to hear what he’s been up to lately, former Saturd...
      10 of 13
    • Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored

      Over months in captivity, kidnapping victim Kat Barr sent hundreds of emails to her MoveOn mailing list only to have them immediately deleted by the recipients without being read.
      11 of 13
    • Best Part Of Gay 12-Year-Old’s Day Half Hour Spent Eating Lunch Alone On Staircase

      SAGINAW, MI—According to Franklin Middle School seventh-grader and closeted homosexual Ben McElroy, the highlight of his day is the 30 minutes between third and fourth period when he eats lunch on a staircase by himself. "It's nice to eat alone...
      12 of 13
    • Teen's Death Hits Reporter Hard

      When a community loses a teen in a drunk driving accident, it's Onion News Network reporter O'Brady Shaw who is most emotionally devastated.
      13 of 13
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