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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•17 • Apr 30, 2012
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    • Group Of '90s Footnotes Welcomes Gingrich Home

      NEW YORK—Saying they held no grudge against him and were just glad he was back where he belongs, a group of cultural footnotes from the 1990s announced today that they were happy to welcome home former Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich...
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    • Joakim Noah Gets Some Ugly But Gutsy Yard Work Done Over The Weekend

      CHICAGO—Though his neighbors said it wasn't a pretty sight, Bulls journeyman Joakim Noah reportedly put forward maximum effort while trimming hedges, fertilizing his lawn, and mulching during a workmanlike, 86-minute performance in his yard Monday.
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    • Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

      Ford says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.
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    • DOT: Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents

      SACRAMENTO, CA—A series of wicked brutal wrecks at the intersection of McKinley and Grove have been officially classified as "spec-fucking-tacular."
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    • Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone

      Voters describe recent images of Obama eating a gigantic hoagie all by himself "somehow very sad."
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    • Al-Qaeda Claims U.S. Mass Transportation Infrastructure Must Drastically Improve Before Any Terrorist Attacks

      WASHINGTON—In a 30-minute video released Thursday, al- Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri criticized the mass transportation infrastructure of the United States, claiming significant repairs and upgrades would need to be implemented before the militant ...
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    • United Airlines Exploring Viability Of Stacking Them Like Cordwood

      CHICAGO—"Despite a number of setbacks, we've found the most efficient way to stack them is to start with a base of large ones and then put down a layer of medium ones, before filling in the holes with the smaller ones," said operations manager Gary Brown.
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    • Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot Holds Clues To Crash

      Chilling audio recovered from Flight 1134's data-recording parrot, Banana, contain mentions of "altitude loss", "pretty feathers".
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    • Report: A-Rod Probably Thinking About Betting On Baseball

      NEW YORK—After carefully analyzing the progression of contemptible things the Yankees third baseman has done in his career, a report released Friday by the University of Missouri's sports psychology department concluded Alex Rodriguez is most likely...
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    • Phil Jackson Enjoying Retirement On Montana Ranch With Egomaniacal Livestock Who Hate Each Other

      LAKESIDE, MT—In a rare interview from his Montana ranch that aired Saturday on SportsCenter, former Lakers coach Phil Jackson said he has found his retirement dealing with the egos of his star cattle who all hate each other relaxing.
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