Watch and Review Our New Show: Onion News Empire
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•22 • Jun 4, 2012
    • Facebook45
    • Twitter76
    • Google Plus1
    • NRA Sets 1,000 Killed In School Shooting As Amount It Would Take For Them To Reconsider Much Of Anything

      'Yeah, Something Like 1,000 Dead Kids,' Reports Spokesperson

      FAIRFAX, VA—National Rifle Association Executive Vice President and CEO Wayne LaPierre said Monday that somewhere around 1,000 kids would have to die in a school shooting in order for the organization to reconsider their longstanding opposition to g...
      1 of 9
    • Area Man Winded After Particularly Lengthy Wendy's Order

      GLEN ALLEN, VA—Local man Brett Lussier, 43, was left fatigued and out of breath Thursday after placing a particularly long lunch order at the Wendy's franchise location on Brook Road, sources reported.
      2 of 9
    • Big 12 Agrees To Annual Bowl Loss Against SEC

      IRVING, TX—Keeping with years of tradition of getting blown out in demoralizing defeats to its dominating competitor, the Big 12 Conference confirmed Monday it has agreed to a yearly bowl loss to the Southeastern Conference.
      3 of 9
    • Bed Bug Feels Bad For Area Man, But A Bug's Got To Eat

      4 of 9
    • Shrieking Vilsack Wakes From Nightmare About Being Buried Alive By Giant Ear Of Corn

      WASHINGTON—A shrieking, sweat-soaked Tom Vilsack reportedly woke in a panic Tuesday night after the U.S.
      5 of 9
    • Money Man Pulls Even With Black Guy In Latest Poll

      WASHINGTON—With the election less than six months away, a nationwide Gallup poll released Wednesday found that Money Man has now pulled even with Black Guy in the 2012 presidential race.
      6 of 9
    • Shadows Meet The Clouds, Gray On Gray, Like Dusty Charcoal On An Ashen Brow, Nation's Poets Report

      NEW YORK—According to a growing consensus of U.S. poets, shadows—inky sharp as a raven's beak—meet the sullen bloat of clouds, their hues a pallid loam, each a dancer, each alone, like dusty charcoal on an ashen brow. Citing both the age...
      7 of 9
    • Team USA Devastated After Home Depot Refuses To Let Athletes Take Time Off For Olympics

      COBB COUNTY, GA—Big-box home improvement giant the Home Depot, which has generously supported the U.S.
      8 of 9
    • Sad Sack Bullied By Area Goose

      ARLINGTON, MA—According to onlookers in Wright Park, local sad sack Morgan Jennings was intimidated, bullied, and sent fleeing for safety by a Canada goose today while walking beside the park's namesake pond.
Sources said the 36-year-old benefits of...
      9 of 9
    • More Slideshows

      Start Over
      • The Week In Pictures

      • The Week In Pictures

      • Optimism

      • The Week In Pictures

      • The Week In Pictures 

    Recently in Slideshow See More >

    Lifestyle

    Lifestyle

    News

    Travel

    News

    Unsponsored

    Recent News

    Obama Fondly Recalls Frustration Of First TermNation Supposes It's Outraged By White House ScandalsCoworker Who Went To Gym This Morning A Chipper Little FuckerCall From Daycare Can't Be GoodJoint Chiefs Chairman Pretty Sure He Could Pull Off Junta If He Really Wanted ToThe Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk ProjectObama Supporter Has Perfectly Improbable Explanation Absolving President From Blame For Scandals

    Recent Videos

    ‘Angelina Jolie Is A Brave, Heroic Woman,’ Says Blogger Who Once Said She Looks Like An Alien

    Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking AwesomePossum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

    • TV: TV Club: Shark Tank -- "Week 25"/"Week 26"

    • Borgen, "Decency In The Middle"

    • Nikita, "Til Death Do Us Part"

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

    • There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

    • Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved