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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•30 • Jul 30, 2012
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    • Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich

      'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu' Goes On Sale Wednesday

      ATLANTA—As part of its recent efforts to publicly align itself with fundamentalist Christian values, the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain announced today the debut of its new Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu sandwich that would be on sale in all of the company'...
      1 of 10
    • Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos

      'We Need More Videos!' Yells Crazed Executive While Beating Random Employee With Golf Club

      NEW YORK—Screaming at the top of his lungs like a deranged lunatic and drenched in his own blood as well as the blood of his employees, Grind.com CEO Jeff Potkul went berserk Friday and demanded his staff produce more web video content or he would ...
      2 of 10
    • Reporters Struggling To Maintain Energy Until Election

      Andrea Bennett and Jason Copeland look ahead at the long months remaining before this election is finally over.
      3 of 10
    • Uncle Ben's To Compete Against Apple With Brand-New Smartphone

      HOUSTON—Hoping to boost profits by cutting into the valuable market share currently occupied by Apple's popular iPhone 4S, top American rice manufacturer Uncle Ben’s announced plans Tuesday to release its first-ever smartphone.
      4 of 10
    • Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, And Daniel Day-Lewis Come Out As Gay

      Also Bruce Springsteen, Beyoncé, Brian Williams, Meryl Streep, And LeBron James

      LOS ANGELES, NEW YORK, LONDON, PARIS, CHICAGO, BOSTON, MIAMI, ELSEWHERE—Responding to Anderson Cooper, Frank Ocean, Emma Stone, Kelsey Grammer, Zooey Deschanel, and Jimmy Kimmel’s recent unexpected self-outings, a galaxy of Hollywood stars, in...
      5 of 10
    • Report: 2012 Election Likely To Be Decided By 4 Or 5 Key Swing Corporations

      WASHINGTON—With polls this week showing the race between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney tightening even further, a growing number of political experts have declared this year's election will almost certainly be decided by a small handful of swing corp...
      6 of 10
    • Drought Bad

      Water Good

      KANSAS CITY, MO—Sources nationwide are confirming this week that the current drought is bad and that water is very good.
      7 of 10
    • Fred Willard A Huge Hit At Counseling Session

      LOS ANGELES—Since his arrest last Wednesday on lewd conduct charges, actor and comedian Fred Willard has become "quite the hit" in his court-mandated counseling sessions, amused sources reported this week.
      8 of 10
    • Horrible Couple Really Wants Wedding To Reflect Their Personalities

      CHICAGO—According to recently engaged and utterly smug shitheads Ross Bird and Jessica Black, the couple wants their upcoming nuptials to be not just a wedding, but also a true reflection of who they are as human beings.
      9 of 10
    • Nation's Moms On Olympic Opening Ceremony: 'Buckle The Fuck Up, It's Going To Be A Wild-Ass Ride'

      DES MOINES, IA—Sitting down on their living room couches Friday after running a few household errands, mothers across the nation told their children today to "buckle the fuck up" for the 2012 London Olympic Opening Ceremony, adding that th...
      10 of 10
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