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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•34 • Aug 27, 2012
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    • Lance Armstrong Lets Down Single Person Who Still Believed Him

      Year In Review

      AUSTIN, TX—Following cyclist Lance Armstrong’s announcement last night that he was dropping his opposition to charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs, a sense of profound disappointment reportedly settled over the single individual le...
      1 of 13
    • College Roommates To Continue Bonding Process Until Real Friends Made

      BOSTON—Sources at Boston University's Shelton Hall reported Monday that freshmen Paul Seltzer and Michael Thiru will continue building a rapport with each other until one of them has found a group of real friends, after which the randomly paired roo...
      2 of 13
    • 6th-Grade Teacher Seen Making Out With GameStop Dude

      BETHESDA, MD—Multiple reports Monday morning indicated that Van Buren  Middle School teacher Ms. Emeling was totally seen making out with that  dude...
      3 of 13
    • Pregnant Woman Relieved To Learn Her Rape Was Illegitimate

      LITCHFIELD, CT—Though she was initially upset following the brutal sexual assault last month that left her pregnant, victim Martha Byars told reporters she was relieved Sunday to learn from Rep.
      4 of 13
    • Augusta National Admits First 'Woman'

      AUGUSTA, GA—In a historic move that may help eliminate gender barriers for "women" everywhere, Augusta National Golf Club announced Monday that former U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice...
      5 of 13
    • Tampa Bay Gay Prostitutes Gearing Up For Flood Of Closeted Republicans

      Tampa Bay gay sex workers say they plan to rake in the cash sucking off secretly gay Republican politicians during the Republican National Convention.
      6 of 13
    • Teacher Just Hopes They Never Google Him

      KETTERING, OH—After completing his first day at Fairmont High School on Tuesday, history teacher Ted Wilkinson reportedly spent most of the evening desperately praying that none of his new students ever feel inclined to Google him.
      7 of 13
    • Poll Reveals You Live In Country Where Mentally Ill Man Still Has Good Chance Of Being Senator

      WASHINGTON—A new poll of the Missouri electorate reported this week that Sen. Claire McCaskill holds a tenuous lead in the state’s Senate race over Rep.
      8 of 13
    • Area Man Regrets Investing In Facebook

      MENLO PARK, CA—Saying that he thought it was a “safe bet” at first, local man Mark Zuckerberg, 28, told reporters Tuesday that—after going what he called “all in” on the business—he now regrets staking so much of ...
      9 of 13
    • U.S. Military Sends A Few More Of Those Things Over To Afghanistan To Replace Dead Ones

      WASHINGTON—In the wake of the news that 2,000 of its things have now died in Afghanistan, U.S. military officials announced Monday that it will be sending some additional things to replace the dead ones. “A bunch of those things are dead or do...
      10 of 13
    • Mom Unaware Little Note She Packed With Son's Lunch Getting Him Beaten Up Right Now

      SUN VALLEY, ID—Dental hygienist and mother June Treadway, 36, appears unaware that the thoughtful note she wrote at 6:30 a.m.
      11 of 13
    • College Newspaper Endorses Barack Obama

      NEW BRITAIN, CT—Calling him the "best person to lead this nation forward," the editors of The Recorder, Central Connecticut State University's student newspaper, officially endorsed Barack Obama for president in a front-page editori...
      12 of 13
    • Queen Elizabeth Annoyed Nude Pictures Of Prince Harry Don't Show Anything Good

      LONDON—Expressing her annoyance after nude photographs of her grandson Prince Harry of Wales surfaced on Hollywood celebrity website TMZ this week, Queen Elizabeth II announced today that she is highly disappointed the grainy shots don’t show ...
      13 of 13
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