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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•38 • Sep 24, 2012
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    • Munchstrosity Created In Frito-Layboratory

      TRANSFATSYLVANIA—Conducting an immoral and reprehensible snacksperiment, Doritologists working in the Frito-Layboratory reportedly unleashed an evil of cheddarclysmic proportions Monday when they brought an appalling munchstrosity to life.
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    • Nick Jr. Suspends Production On 'The Almighty Muhammad's Porkalicious Toon Jihad'

      LOS ANGELES—Responding to the ongoing protests from millions of Muslims over the depictions of the Prophet Muhammad, American television channel Nick Jr.
      2 of 14
    • Newborn Loses Faith In Humanity After Record 6 Days

      SCHAUMBURG, IL—In a turn of events that has stunned the worldwide medical community, local infant Nathan Jameson, born just six days ago, has become the youngest person ever to permanently and irrevocably lose all faith in humanity. “This shat...
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    • Stephen A. Smith Thinking Son Is Finally Ready For The Sex Argument

      BRISTOL, CT—Sensing the 9-year-old is now old enough to engage in a heated debate on the subject, Stephen A.
      4 of 14
    • Fun-Loving Turtle All Business When It's Feeding Time

      GATLINBURG, TN—Though playful and fun-loving through the vast majority of his day, local pet turtle Beeper instantly ceases all frivolity and grows intensely focused when it comes time for his daily feeding, owner Martin DeCarlo reported Monday.
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    • Skipping Out On Friend's Birthday Party At Last Minute Closest Woman Will Ever Come To Feeling Rush Of Heroin

      CINCINNATI—Still reeling from the visceral thrill of canceling a party appearance 34 minutes before its scheduled start time, Pam Watford confirmed Saturday the breach of decorum constituted the closest she will ever come to feeling the instant, eup...
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    • Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars'

      SALT LAKE CITY—Seeking to limit the fallout from a videotaped speech in which he asserts 47 percent of Americans “pay no taxes” and do not take “personal responsibility and care for their lives,” Mitt Romney hastily called a ...
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    • Romney Campaign Sends In Champion Of The Poor Paul Ryan For Damage Control

      BOSTON—Following the widespread controversy over Mitt Romney’s recently leaked comments criticizing Americans who depend on the government, Republican vice presidential candidate and widely beloved champion of the poor Paul Ryan was quickly ca...
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    • Report: It's Not Okay To Just Start Talking To People You Don’t Know

      STANFORD, CA—Citing how devastatingly uncomfortable it makes people feel, a new report released by the Stanford University Sociology Department revealed Wednesday that it’s never okay to just start talking to someone you don’t know. The ...
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    • Andrew Luck Gets First Whatever It’s Called When You Beat The Minnesota Vikings

      INDIANAPOLIS—Rookie quarterback Andrew Luck helped the Colts outscore their opponents 23-20 on Sunday to earn his first whatever that thing is called when you beat the Minnesota Vikings.
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    • Everyone At Airport Delighted By Chubby Family Rapidly Waddling Toward Gate

      NEWARK, NJ—The stress and tedium of air travel were reportedly relieved Wednesday when passengers in Newark Liberty Airport’s Terminal C were treated to the wheezing, waddling antics of an overweight family hurriedly straining to catch a fligh...
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    • 'What About That Whole Birth Certificate Thing?' Romney Suggests To Staff

      DALLAS—With his campaign still reeling from a series of miscues, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney asked a group of top advisers Wednesday whether it would be worth going after Obama by questioning the nation of his birth.
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    • Partygoer Rolls A Couple Of Fat Burritos To Pass Around

      EUGENE, OR—According to anonymous sources, guests at the University of Oregon’s Sigma Nu fraternity house Friday rejoiced when fellow party attendee Jeff Lyons unzipped a bag of shredded lettuce, expertly licked the edges of two tortillas, and...
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    • Egyptian Woman Wishes Screaming Protester Husband Would Go Bonkers For Her Once In A While

      CAIRO—Sighing dejectedly Thursday morning as she watched her screaming husband depart for yet another massive anti-American protest in Tahrir Square, local woman Samira Khalil told reporters that she wished the hysterical man would go completely and...
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