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    The Week In Pictures

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 48•42 • Oct 22, 2012
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    • Obama Excited To Participate In First Debate

      WASHINGTON—Saying he was excited to “finally get out there” and defend his policies in front of the entire nation, President Barack Obama told reporters he was energized and eager to participate in his first debate of the 2012 election c...
      1 of 14
    • 'The Onion' Wins Nobel Prize

      STOCKHOLM—American newspaper The Onion received a Nobel Prize this week in the category of Overall Excellence.
      2 of 14
    • Lyndon Johnson Pulls Ahead In Poll Of Nation's Alzheimer's Patients

      BOCA RATON, FL—A survey of the nation’s Alzheimer’s patients conducted Sunday by Public Policy Polling indicates that Lyndon Johnson now holds a comfortable 8-point lead in the 2012 presidential race, having pulled ahead of candidates Hu...
      3 of 14
    • Area Man On Personal Mission To Explain Why Universally Enjoyed Things Are Bad

      RICHMOND, VA—Describing it as “his life’s calling,” local man Gary Lerner, 31, revealed Thursday that he is on a personal quest to enlighten the world about why things everybody enjoys are actually bad. Lerner, whose stated mission...
      4 of 14
    • Savvy Man Registers 'Sleepy Romney' Twitter Account Just In Case Candidate Looks Tired

      EUGENE, OR—Ingenious, quick-thinking local man Pete Sidell, 29, demonstrated his uncanny cultural savviness today by registering a "Sleepy Romney" Twitter account he can use to parody Mitt Romney if the GOP candidate appears tired at any p...
      5 of 14
    • Nation Tunes In To See Which Sociopath More Likable This Time

      HEMPSTEAD, NY—According to reports, millions of viewers across the country are expected to tune in to tonight’s town-hall-style presidential debate at Hofstra University in order to determine which complete and utter sociopath they find more l...
      6 of 14
    • Nation's Ever So Malleable Simpletons Fluttering Between Candidates Like Shuttlecocks Through Every Moment Of Debate

      WASHINGTON—With their mouths agape and their glassy eyes fixed upon tonight’s televised presidential debate, the nation’s ever so suggestible dullards are currently fluttering to and fro like feathered shuttlecocks between candidates Bar...
      7 of 14
    • Romney To Town Hall Audience: 'I Own Horses And Care For Them, And You Are All Like Horses'

      HEMPSTEAD, NY—In an apparent attempt to demonstrate empathy for everyday working Americans, GOP candidate Mitt Romney likened the audience at the town hall debate Tuesday to the many horses he owns and cares for, saying that, in a way, the majority ...
      8 of 14
    • Tearful Mitt Romney Announces He Has Rare Disease Where You Can't Sit Quietly On Stool When Repeatedly Asked To

      HEMPSTEAD, NY—Highly emotional in the wake of last night’s town-hall-style debate, a tearful Mitt Romney called a press conference this morning to “come clean” about having a rare, little-understood disease known as Shuttlesworth S...
      9 of 14
    • Study: Human Imagination Capable Of Magnificent Things During Masturbation

      PRINCETON, NJ—According to a study published Monday in The New England Journal Of Medicine, the human brain is capable of wondrous, awe-inspiring things while an individual is masturbating. The Princeton University study, in which researchers... [CLICK FOR FULL STORY AND VIDEO]
      10 of 14
    • CDC Announces Americans Should Make Plans To Say Goodbye To Loved Ones

      ATLANTA—During a brief, impromptu press conference at the agency’s headquarters this morning, Centers For Disease Control director Dr.
      11 of 14
    • Paramedics Rush To Revive God Following Latest Suicide Attempt

      LAS VEGAS—Clark County paramedics responded Thursday to a frantic 911 call from an Econo Lodge motel where the Lord Our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, was found naked and unconscious following an unsuccessful suicide attempt... [CLICK FOR FULL STORY AND VIDEO]
      12 of 14
    • 'I Feel Your Pain,' Romney Tells Campaign Rally Attendees Who Make $20 Million A Year

      INDIAN HILL, OH—As he continues to tout his plan to fix the economy and “make things right,” presidential nominee Mitt Romney delivered a heartfelt address to wealthy rally attendees Monday, telling those who make more than $20 million p...
      13 of 14
    • Romney Stands Behind Ryan To Show Good Campaigning Stance

      COLUMBUS, OH—In order to demonstrate proper campaign posture, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stood behind running mate Paul Ryan on Saturday and gently guided the younger man’s hips and elbows into an ideal speaking stance, source...
      14 of 14
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