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    The Week In Pictures – Week Of January 7, 2013

    Slideshow • News • ISSUE 49•01 • Jan 7, 2013
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    • Scientists Debut Robot That Can Run A Half-Marathon, Smugly Brag About It

      Japanese scientists have created an ultra-realistic robot that not only runs a half-marathon, but then never shuts up about what a great fucking job it did.
      1 of 10
    • Asshole From Plane Greeted At Baggage Claim By Whole Family

      ATLANTA—Following their arrival at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson airport Friday, passengers from flight 3852 confirmed that the loud, obnoxious prick who had been seated in row 12 was warmly greeted and embraced by his whole family at the termi...
      2 of 10
    • Partially Faded Hand Stamp Undermining Everything Prosecutor Says

      DALLAS—Members of the jury convened for the case of Texas v. Guillermo admitted Friday they were distracted from the closing arguments of Dallas assistant district attorney Paul Hagsbury after noticing a faded bar stamp on the back of his left hand.
      3 of 10
    • Foster Mom Doesn't Pick Least Favorites

      SEATTLE—Foster mom Ellen Kovach told reporters Thursday she doesn’t play least favorites, claiming that each of the minors placed in her home is provided with an equal amount of deep, seething animosity. “They’re all my least favor...
      4 of 10
    • Everyone At Office Planning Shooting Spree For Same Day

      KANSAS CITY, MO—Unbeknownst to one another, every single member of the office staff at Kelleher Advertising Associates is planning to carry out a workplace shooting spree next Monday, reporters learned this week. According to their independently for...
      5 of 10
    • Pet Dog Almost Like Disgusting Family Member

      JACKSON, MS—Sources within the Tibbett household told reporters Thursday that their pet dog, Digby, is so much a part of their lives that they treat him like a filthy, foul-smelling member of the family.
      6 of 10
    • Fugitive Doctor Accuses Devlin MacGregor Of Fraud

      A routine conference of medical professionals turned unexpectedly dramatic Thursday night as Dr. Richard Kimble, eminent vascular surgeon and subject of an intense local manhunt, disrupted the downtown Chicago event to accuse a colleague, and by extension...
      7 of 10
    • Modern-Day Robin Hood Just Sleeping In Woods, Shooting Rich People With Arrows

      He's not stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, but one inspiring hero is attacking people and sleeping in a forest.
      8 of 10
    • Walgreens Manager Certain Dead Father Would Have Been Proud Of Crest Toothpaste Display

      ST. PAUL, MN—Saying his late father must be looking down at him and smiling, local Walgreens manager Lawrence Trow stated Wednesday that “Dad would be proud” of the eye-catching endcap display his son had arranged to call attention to th...
      9 of 10
    • Neighborhood Flocks To Coffee Shop Bulletin Board To Read About Fun Upcoming Events

      LAWRENCE, KS—A nearly uncontrollable excitement once again gripped residents of this small Midwestern city Thursday as they flocked in droves to see local coffee shop Perk Up’s weekly bulletin-board posting of upcoming events and neighborhood ...
      10 of 10
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