We'll worry about the weather, you just concentrate on you
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    The Week In Review

    Slideshow • ISSUE 45•39 • Sep 23, 2009
    • Facebook12
    • Twitter0
    • Google Plus0
    • Outrageous Pictionary Drawing To Go Down In Area Family Lore

      IONIA, MI—At the time, no one predicted the dramatic finish that many now expect will be permanently chronicled in the annals of Anderson family lore, perhaps surpassing in its tellings the legendary occasion upon which Grandma Florence did the chicken dance at Cousin Marcia's wedding.
      1 of 8
    • Self-Defense Instructor Simulates Attacker Right Down To Erection

      2 of 8
    • U.S. Government Finds $20 Trillion Buried By Absentminded Reagan In 1987

      WASHINGTON—While senior officials were initially unsure of where the hoard of valuables had come from, a number of clues—most notably a framed photo of former first lady Nancy Reagan accompanied by the note
      3 of 8
    • Derek Jeter Honored For Having Fewer Hits Than Harold Baines

      NEW YORK—Following Derek Jeter's 2,722nd career hit Friday, Yankee fans and teammates took a moment to honor the all-star shortstop for having 144 fewer hits than former journeyman designated hitter Harold Baines.
      4 of 8
    • Free-Range Chicken Makes It To Bolivia

      5 of 8
    • Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds Of Secret Arctic Lairs

      ZACKENBERG RESEARCH STATION, GREENLAND—According to oceanographers, the Arctic Circle has been devastated by the effects of global warming in recent years, threatening hundreds of men and women who use the frozen tundra as a place to conduct bizarre experiments in human-animal grafting or carry out massive government cover-ups.
      6 of 8
    • Job Became Completely Humiliating So Gradually Area Man Barely Noticed

      CHICAGO—"Now that I think about it, a lot of little things have sort of slowly added up, like when they reduced my lunch hour to 30 minutes last October," Stephen Durkee said while walking CFO Janice Dugan's poorly behaved English bulldog.
      7 of 8
    • How To Stay Goth Past 50

      8 of 8
    • More Slideshows

      Start Over
      • Crime & Crime Fighters

      • The Week In Review

      • Back To School

      • The Week in Review

      • Dogs

    Recently in Slideshow See More >

    NEWS

    ENTERTAINMENT

    ENTERTAINMENT

    LIFESTYLE

    NEWS

    LIFESTYLE

    Recent News

    New Obesity Drug DeliciousFamily Concerned After John McCain Wanders Into SyriaNation Excited To See Whatever Bile The Internet Spews Up TodayU.S. Disc Jockey General Urges Americans To Get The Led OutScientific Breakthrough Reveals Stars Consist Primarily Of TwinklesLast 12 Years A Real Wake-Up Call For Area ManArea Man Beginning To Think He Has Memorial Day Off

    Recent Videos

    Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface

    Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice CommandsObama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

    • Film: Newswire: John C. Reilly could be in Guardians Of The Galaxy, according to confusing report

    • Music: Great Job, Internet!: Stream Small Brown Bike's B-Sides and rarities collection, Recollected

    • Music: Newswire: Damon Albarn announces a solo record, says Blur might record new material between festival dates

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

    • Best of Onion Sports: OSN Tackles Underreported Sports

    • Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved